Heather Green
In October 2001, I had my first child, Gabby who has Down syndrome. We did not know ahead of time that she had Down syndrome. The doctor offered to place her in an institution and we quickly informed him that we would be taking her home with us.
Once home, we quickly adjusted to having a daughter. A daughter that is adored more than anything. I quickly “came to terms” with her disability, but struggled with explaining it to family and friends. “No, Gabby didn’t have a little Down syndrome, she just had Down syndrome.” We quickly adapted to life in early intervention, making a promise to Gabby that we would never do anything with her unless she was having fun and enjoying it.
I struggled day in and day out with my emotions. Some days were wonderful and peaceful. Others were filled with comments from well meaning people, about how lucky I was, what a blessing Gabby was, and what a strong parent I was. But I didn’t always feel strong. And because I was always getting all these praises, I never felt that I could be weak or sad. And somehow I translated acknowledging my negative feelings to my feelings for Gabby. I was stuck in this crazy circle of feeling blissfully happy about Down syndrome, sad about Down syndrome and then feeling guilty for feeling sad.
Once I had my second daughter, I started becoming even more sensitive to peoples comments of “Oh, what an angel you have, or what a blessing you have.’ when talking about Gabby because I felt like both my children where blessings and special to me. Somehow to comment that Gabby was more special because of her disability was counteractive to the fact that I wanted her treated the same as all my children!
I knew right away that I would want Gabby fully included in school. Of course to provide her with the opportunity to learn everything she could – but Gabby is more than a student – she is a teacher too. And her classmates have so many valuable lessons to learn from her – beyond education issues. They learn compassion, respect, diversity, patience and kindness.
Gabby attended two years of Head Start preschool and is now in the 5th grade. She has many friends that she has known from kindergarten! Her teacher says she is one of the best-behaved students and really seems to enjoy learning. Just because she is in the 5th grade does not mean she is learning everything at the fifth grade level. And do you know what? That is OK! There is more to life about academics and I still need a calculator to balance my bank account - actually I don't even do that, a program I use does all the adding and subtracting for me! The point is, I know that Gabby will learn all the tools she needs to lead a successful, fulfilling, happy life.
In 2004, along with a few other parents, I founded the Down Syndrome Information Alliance. The goal of DSIA is to provide resources and support to families who have a child with Down syndrome. I am currently their President and Program Coordinator. And because of Gabby’s involvement in the Infant Development Program and by strong belief in the parent’s role and responsibility in their child’s development, I am currently still work for Sacramento County Office of Education Infant Development Program as a Family Representative. In addition, I recently just accepted a position at the WarmLine Family Resource Center as a Family Resource and Support Specialist.
Together, with my best friend and partner, Andy, we now have six kids – and Gabby is the oldest. I love how her brothers and sisters understand her and are really prideful about it. There is no shame. It is very matter of fact in our house. We like celebrating differences. And actually, with six kids you realize just how different everyone is. One child is super picky about the way her socks fit, one boy only likes a certain pair of underpants and someone else can not stand the smell of a fruit cup or sausage. Someone else breaks down crying at the smallest thing and another one has to be coaxed to talk about everything. Everyone is different – wonderfully different.
Once home, we quickly adjusted to having a daughter. A daughter that is adored more than anything. I quickly “came to terms” with her disability, but struggled with explaining it to family and friends. “No, Gabby didn’t have a little Down syndrome, she just had Down syndrome.” We quickly adapted to life in early intervention, making a promise to Gabby that we would never do anything with her unless she was having fun and enjoying it.
I struggled day in and day out with my emotions. Some days were wonderful and peaceful. Others were filled with comments from well meaning people, about how lucky I was, what a blessing Gabby was, and what a strong parent I was. But I didn’t always feel strong. And because I was always getting all these praises, I never felt that I could be weak or sad. And somehow I translated acknowledging my negative feelings to my feelings for Gabby. I was stuck in this crazy circle of feeling blissfully happy about Down syndrome, sad about Down syndrome and then feeling guilty for feeling sad.
Once I had my second daughter, I started becoming even more sensitive to peoples comments of “Oh, what an angel you have, or what a blessing you have.’ when talking about Gabby because I felt like both my children where blessings and special to me. Somehow to comment that Gabby was more special because of her disability was counteractive to the fact that I wanted her treated the same as all my children!
I knew right away that I would want Gabby fully included in school. Of course to provide her with the opportunity to learn everything she could – but Gabby is more than a student – she is a teacher too. And her classmates have so many valuable lessons to learn from her – beyond education issues. They learn compassion, respect, diversity, patience and kindness.
Gabby attended two years of Head Start preschool and is now in the 5th grade. She has many friends that she has known from kindergarten! Her teacher says she is one of the best-behaved students and really seems to enjoy learning. Just because she is in the 5th grade does not mean she is learning everything at the fifth grade level. And do you know what? That is OK! There is more to life about academics and I still need a calculator to balance my bank account - actually I don't even do that, a program I use does all the adding and subtracting for me! The point is, I know that Gabby will learn all the tools she needs to lead a successful, fulfilling, happy life.
In 2004, along with a few other parents, I founded the Down Syndrome Information Alliance. The goal of DSIA is to provide resources and support to families who have a child with Down syndrome. I am currently their President and Program Coordinator. And because of Gabby’s involvement in the Infant Development Program and by strong belief in the parent’s role and responsibility in their child’s development, I am currently still work for Sacramento County Office of Education Infant Development Program as a Family Representative. In addition, I recently just accepted a position at the WarmLine Family Resource Center as a Family Resource and Support Specialist.
Together, with my best friend and partner, Andy, we now have six kids – and Gabby is the oldest. I love how her brothers and sisters understand her and are really prideful about it. There is no shame. It is very matter of fact in our house. We like celebrating differences. And actually, with six kids you realize just how different everyone is. One child is super picky about the way her socks fit, one boy only likes a certain pair of underpants and someone else can not stand the smell of a fruit cup or sausage. Someone else breaks down crying at the smallest thing and another one has to be coaxed to talk about everything. Everyone is different – wonderfully different.